There’s nothing harder than getting up in the middle of the night (1, 2, 3, 4 times) to attend to your crying newborn. Sometimes all they need is a little comfort to slip them back off into la la land. Well, here’s where the Munchkin Voice Activated Crib Light comes to the rescue.

Now the light of your life has a better way to be lulled back to sleep. Soothing womb sounds and 3 colored lights cycle on for 10 minutes the moment it hears your baby cry. They’re the perfect combination to ease your baby into slumber land…which means you can get back to sleep, too.. And the lights are just the right brightness for nighttime checking or diaper changing. We call it a crib light… but you’ll call it a small miracle.

You can pick them up off the website above, or from Amazon.com for US $13.

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• Tip #5: What Lazy Parents Should Look For In A Car
• Tip # 7: The Ultimate Changing Table

Tags: Crib Light,Sleeping
Categories: Products, Tips
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Photo by Brit on Flickr.

Parents aren’t limited to minivans these days. Lots of cars, SUVs, and crossovers provide good alternatives, with many great features. Sure there are lots of important safety features such as air bags, stability control, emergency communication systems, blah, blah, blah, but what a lazy parent is really concerned about is features that make their life easier for transporting their children all over Timbuktu. Here is a list of the top ten features a lazy parent should look for when purchasing a car.

1 ) Back seat DVD player: First and foremost, the greatest feature ever introduced into a car, is the small screen DVD players. You should look for one that has wireless headphones, and a jack for connecting a gaming system such as PlayStation. You can even buy these after market from somewhere like Costco, that strap to the head rest of the front seat. Better still, you can find a dual screen system, with one screen mounted into the back of each of the front head rests. Trust me, your kids will be much happier on any lengthy trip with a DVD screen of any kind. A good example is the Chrysler Town & Country.

2 ) Sirius TV: This beautiful feature will deliver three channels to your back seat screen: Nickelodeon, Disney, and the Cartoon Network. It will also allow you to listen to Sirius radio in the front, while your kids are watching TV in the back. Its just another option of what your kids can watch after they’ve watched the Little Mermaid over 200 times. Also, having TV channels can help you remove DVD clutter from the car.

3 ) Back seat climate control: “Can you turn the heat up?… It’s too hot in here!..I’m cold, turn the heat up again! I’m still cold…oh wait I’m hot now, I mean cold..” AHHHH shut up!!! Kids can drive you crazy complaining about the interior temperature. Introducing rear seat climate control. Let the little brat control his own destiny (or a least body temperature). Some cars now even feature 3rd row climate control.

4 ) Chill zone: As far as I know the only car to have this feature is the Dodge Avenger. The chill zone is a mini fridge where your glove box used to be. Not only great for keeping your beer cold, but also your child’s juice boxes on longer trips.

5 ) Power doors: These work great when your hands are full of kids and their junk. Simply press the button on your key fob and watch the doors magically open for you. You can also open from the inside when you park. Example, Dodge Caravan.

6a ) Fold-flat third row seats: Extra seating is great when your stuck hauling your child and her playmates around, but its also nice to have extra space in the back for strollers and other stuff. This is why you will love the extra room fold-flat third row seating gives you. Example, Honda Odyssey.

6b ) Easy access third row seating: The Hyundai Veracruz is the master of this. It just makes life easier if your children can scramble into the back without a lot of fuss.

7 ) Cargo space: Lots is nice. The more cargo space, the more room you have to cram your kids’ junk in the car. A good general rule is 50 cubic feet or more with rear seats folded. Also, having storage pockets attached behind the front seats is a great place to store items for your kids, and surprisingly not all cars have them. You can also look for cars that have in-floor storage for extra goodies.

8 ) Integrated booster seat: The Volvo v70 has a cool new feature, a booster seat for children that is already integrated. It has two positions for children of different sizes. No more fussing with your regular booster seat, making sure its properly secured, and removing it make room when you don’t need it only to put it back in the next day.

9 ) Backup camera: If you have a garage, no doubt your kids have left their crap on your driveway at some point. If you have a larger vehicle, it will have fairly large blind spots. This is a bad combination. These nifty backup cameras show you on an interior dashboard monitor whats directly behind the car, whether its little Timmy’s bike, or Timmy himself. It will save you a lot of headache if you avoid hitting either of these objects.

10 ) Cup holders: Don’t laugh. Yes, these are a basic item, but not all cup holders are created equally. Do they have little corners cut out for juice boxes? Is there more than 1 in the back seat? Easily accessible? 2 or more easily accessible cup holders in the back is essential.

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Tags: Car features
Categories: Tips
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The Onion News Network is reporting on a new shampoo being introduced by Johnson & Johnson, that is basically designed to toughen your wimpy kid up.

A radical departure for the health goods manufacturer, the new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula, has never once been approved by leading dermatologists, and is as gentle on a baby’s skin as “having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self.”

“We at Johnson & Johnson have been making bath time a safe and soothing experience for far too long,” company CEO William C. Weldon said. “Years of pampering have left our newborns helpless, feeble, and ill-equipped for the arduous road ahead.”

“It’s time our children got the wake-up call that’s been coming to them,” Weldon continued. “It’s time they cried their precious little eyes out.”…

“You’ll notice a difference after just one use,” said Michelle Baker, head of new product development. “Whether it’s your newborn’s more hardened appearance, the way he now approaches people with guarded skepticism, or just that look on his face that says, ‘Oh wait, maybe life isn’t all hugs and kisses and rainbows. Maybe I need to get my fucking act together.’”

You can continue to read the full report here.

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Tags: Bathing,No Tears Shampoo
Categories: News, Products
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A little while ago, we brought you the great tip of “Bottle Propping”. What we didn’t know at the time was that a wonderful product called the Keep-It-Up Bottle Prop existed! For only $8.99 this product:

* Keeps bottle from tipping and leaking
* Is ideal for hands-free “snuggle me close” feeding time
* Is expandable opening fits most bottles
* Has cushy grip for little hands
* Is a must for multiples

This takes Bottle Propping to a whole new level and lazy parenting to brand new heights!. As one commenter on the product’s website mentions, it works great in the car too. Lazy parenting has never been lazier.

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Tags: Bottle Prop,Feeding,Products
Categories: Products
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Any parent will tell you horror stories of trying to get their little one to get into their PJ’s at night.

“C’mon, let’s get changed and ready for bed.”

“NO! I don’t wanna!”

Getting your child into their jammies for bedtime is never easy, and usually requires some sort of bribing, such as offering an extra bedtime story. The hard fought battle is won, only to be fought again the next morning.

“C’mon, lets get out of our jam-jam’s and get ready.”

“NO! I don’t wanna!”

Why bother doing this twice? Obviously, changing clothes is necessary with the amount of dirt those little munchkins pick up, but you can greatly reduce the amount of changings you do. At bedtime, when you’re going to change little runt into her pyjamas, don’t. Put her into the clothes you want her to wear during the next day. This way, when your child wakes up, they’re ready to take on the world (or a least pre-school). This is actually a very simple tip that will save you a lot of headache each and every morning. A quick combing of the hair and you’re good to go. No mess, no fuss. Simple, the way a lazy parent likes it.

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Tags: Bedtime,Changing,Dressing
Categories: Tips
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The frequency at which you bathe your children is up to you, and how lazy you are. If you’re like me, a weekly bath is good enough (or until my child no longer passes a quick ’smell test’). Whether you bathe your child daily, every other day, weekly, or monthly, here are a few tips to reduce the frequency of bathing, and increase bathing efficiency.

• First of all, baby wipes are a great way to give the little one a once-over. It just takes one or two wipes and minimal effort in between clothes changes.
• If you have two or more children, you should bathe them at the same time.
• Washing your car? Have the little rug rat lather up and run through the hose. This can be made into a fun game, rather than a ‘bath’.
• Sprinkler. Even if soap isn’t involved, this definitely counts as a bath.
• Have a dog? Wash them together to save time and soap.
• Have a dog (pt 2)? They do wonders cleaning little Billy’s face after a meal.
• You can clean the bathroom while they splash around in the tub.
• If all else fails, and you don’t have time to bathe the child before leaving the house, a quick shot of cologne will always do the trick.

Have any more tips to add?

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Tags: Bathing
Categories: Tips
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If only this were real…

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Tags: Kidstoned
Categories: Videos
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It looks like an Israeli couple took inspiration from Home Alone yesterday, when they forgot their 3 year old daughter at the airport. The couple were heading on a European vacation with their 5 children. They managed to get 4 of the children on the flight (80% isn’t so bad), and all 18 pieces of luggage (kudos for that), but left the little girl wandering the airport. They parents did not realize they only had 4 children with them until the airline notified them 40 minutes into their flight, after airport security found the girl. You can read the full article here.

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Tags: Forgotten Child,News
Categories: Lazy Parents in the News
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This technique is a classic, dating back to the origins of bottle feeding thousands of years ago. The Bottle Prop is a basic technique that any lazy parent must have in their bag of tricks. For the Bottle Prop all you need to do is, when bottle feeding your child, prop the bottle up on his/her chest so that the bottle is self-supported, leaving you free talk on the phone to your friends about how hard parenting is. Although simple, there are a few things you can do to maximize its effects, and help your child to doze off.

Step 1: You can use the Bottle Prop technique while the child is in your lap, but this is not recommended, as you will still be constrained to your seat even though your hands are free. For optimal results, place the child in his own bouncy seat, or best of all, a swing (preferably one that plays nice sleepy music).

Step 2: Once the child is comfortably positioned, take a receiving blanket, and place it on their chest. It is best to tuck the blanket under their chin to catch any formula/ breast milk drooly runoff. This also saves you from having to put on a bib. Next, place the bottle so it rests on the receiving blanket, and the nipple sits comfortably at the child’s mouth level. Ideally, the bottle should be placed at a 90 degree angle to the child’s mouth (pictured below). As you can see from the smile on my son’s face, kids love the Bottle Prop technique. It makes them feel self-sufficient and proud.

Step 3:Freedom! If the bottle is positioned well, it will stay firmly in place while you are free to do what you wish. Even if you just sit there watching your child, you don’t have to worry about your arm getting tired from holding that damn bottle forever. With the aid of sleepy music, your child will likely even fall asleep! Once your child is asleep, you can remove the bottle (safety first her at Lazy Parenting 101) from their mouth, and enjoy the freedom until he wakes up crying because you didn’t burp him.

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Tags: Bottle Prop,Feeding
Categories: Tips
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Our first tip to offer you is a doozy. If your child is running around, screaming such nonsense as “Hey daddy, look at this picture I drew for you”, and all you’re trying to do is catch the 4th quarter of a close game, then look no further than to GoDogGo Automatic Fetch Machine. This great product will automatically launch a basket of tennis balls at your kid at intervals of 7 - 15 seconds. Best of all it comes with a remote control. Turn this baby on and watch the magic as your kid will be captivated, tirelessly running around after the balls!

Some people will point out that this is a product designed for dogs, not small children. We say phewy! It works great, and we think the marketing people at GoDogGo are missing an entirely new demographic here. As an example, they have a great quote on their website where they could easily replace the word ‘dog’ with ‘child’ and they could sell thousands of more units:

Go[Child]Go™ is the first, and still the only, Automatic Fetch Machine for [children]. Yes, now [little Jimmy] can play fetch by himself. Really! The Go[Child]Go tennis ball launcher was designed to provide hours of healthy exercise and enjoyment for your [child]. Think of Go[Child]Go as your [child]’s own personal playmate that’s ready to play whenever he is!

Most [children] love to play fetch. LOVE it! Long after they’ve tired their [parent] companions out, most [children] are still ready to play–play more fetch! Go[Child]Go is ready to play with your [child] for as long as he wants. After all, unlike your big ball of energy pooch, we [parents] do get tired and bored after playing fetch over and over and over and over. Lucky for your [child], Go[Child]Go never tires out.

Go[Child]Go was designed to let you choose how much or how little interaction you have with your [child] while he’s playing with his new favorite [child] toy. From the remote control, you can set Go[Child]Go to any one of three modes.

Honestly, I’ve used this one before and my son loves it! Aim it so it shoots in your backyard or down the longest hallway in your house and you’re set. Your child will run back and forward collecting tennis balls and putting them back into the launcher basket while you are free to enjoy your own time. This also works great to help tire that little rug rat out, inducing early bedtime. There is a slight cost to this method of lazy parenting for the machine, batteries and tennis balls, but you won’t be disappointed with your investment.

As of yet, no one has posted a video of their children using this wonderful device on YouTube, but here’s a video of a dog to illustrate exactly how it works:

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Tags: Entertainment,GoDogGo
Categories: Products, Tips
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