2008 September | Lazy Parenting 101

Area Baby Doesn’t Have Any Friends

Karl Woll| September 26, 2008 2:51 pm

Another great news story from our friends at the Onion.

TARRYTOWN, NY—Although he’s had nearly three months to meet people, local baby Joshua Goldsworthy hasn’t made a single friend, according to those who know him.

People who have met the quiet, stay-at-home misfit say that, while he’s more interesting than he was two months ago, Joshua lacks the warmth, charisma, and empathy of a suitable companion.

“It’s not like I hate him—I just don’t get a lot out of knowing him,” said 32-year-old Gretchen Sperber, a longtime friend of the Goldsworthy family. “He’s hard to read. Sometimes he’ll stare at you for hours, other times he’ll fall asleep right in front of you, like you’re not even there.”

Visitors to the Goldsworthy home often report having negative first impressions of Joshua. Out-of-the-blue crying fits, the tendency to yank at loose hair and earrings, and copious drooling are just a few of the antisocial traits he displays. Neighbor Lena Osterberg said that, two weeks ago, she cut a visit to the Goldsworthy home short after the self-interested infant committed a “gross” indiscretion.

“I still can’t imagine why he didn’t excuse himself and crawl into another room,” Osterberg said. “The stench filled the living room, and he just sat there and grinned.”

…Keep reading the article.

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Tags: Friends,The Onion
Categories: News
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Tip # 9: Is Your Child Gifted? Probably Not.

Karl Woll| September 19, 2008 3:35 pm

…So why bother putting a lot of effort into their development? According this article from CNN, only 2-5% of kids are ‘gifted’ and studies show there is almost no link to the amount of developmental activities the children participate in during infancy and toddlerhood.

The vast majority of children are not gifted. Only 2 to 5 percent of kids fit the bill, by various estimates. Of those, only one in 100 is considered highly gifted. Prodigies (those wunderkinds who read at 2 and go to college at 10) are rarer still — like one to two in a million. And despite the boom in infant-stimulation techniques, educational DVDs, learning toys, and enrichment classes, those numbers haven’t been increasing. You can’t build giftedness; it’s mostly built in.

The article goes on to state that children just need the basics. “In the first three years of life, all children need to feel a sense of security and attachment. Being held, being loved and having one’s basic needs met are all critical for future learning.” I think sitting in dad’s lap while he watches football qualifies.

The lesson to take away from this is not to feel guilty about your lazy parenting. Even if you were to spend crazy amounts of time doing ‘proper parenting’, it probably won’t affect your child’s development into a genius anyways. Look at some of our previous tips on ways to maximize your neglect!

There Is No Truer Commercial
Lazy Parents in the News: ‘Forget’ Child at Airport
Tip # 3: Bathing

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Tags: child development,genius,gifted
Categories: Tips
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Tip # 8: Give Your Baby Cola

Karl Woll| September 17, 2008 3:37 pm

According to this old school ad, giving your baby Cola will help him or her ‘fit in’ during those awkward teenage years. Its never too soon for Cola!

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Tags: Cola,Feeding
Categories: Tips
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Deep Thoughts on What Kids Like

Karl Woll| September 12, 2008 1:26 pm

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. ‘Oh, no,’ I said. ‘Disneyland burned down.’ He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”

—Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

Tip #5: What Lazy Parents Should Look For In A Car
Kidstoned Chewable Valium
Why It Pays To Be A Lazy Parent

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Categories: Random Stuff
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Tip # 7: The Ultimate Changing Table

Karl Woll| September 8, 2008 2:40 pm

Here’s another great product that will help reduce the amount of painful work involved in raising your baby, so you can spend more time on more important things (like surfing the internet for great websites like Lazy Parenting 101, that will help reduce the amount of painful work involved in raising your baby).

The UBI changing table is a great little product that cuts down on the amount of effort of changing your baby’s never ending poopy diapers by way of an integrated diaper dispenser! Simply fold down the rear flap of the diaper, place said baby on the table, strap the diaper on, and presto! - remove said baby from the table and your next diaper is ready to go. At $120 US this is not the cheapest product out there, but its a pretty cool time saver if you can afford it.